Tag Archives: congregations

All Are Welcome

“All Are Welcome” is a well-known and well-loved Christian hymn written by prolific liturgical composer, Marty Haugen. I’ve sung it often as a member of the congregation and even led it as a cantor on a few occasions, but never did the song impact me in the way it did this past Sunday when visiting St. John Chrysostom in Wallingford, PA.

This was not my first visit to St. John Chrysostom. I wrote a piece several years ago, called “Welcoming the Visitor”. My family and I had attended a Mass at the church at Eastertime while visiting our oldest son at Swarthmore College. I was so overwhelmed with their intentional inclusion, I wrote a story and connected with the pastor, Fr. Hallinan by email.

More than a year after my son has graduated from Swarthmore, I found myself preparing to bring our youngest son to the school for an official visit on campus. I happily anticipated an opportunity to attend church once again at St. John Chrysostom…I was not disappointed.

The moment I walked in, about ten minutes before the start of Mass, I observed several people with various kinds of disabilities. Ushers and members of the congregation greeted everyone in a kind and gentle way, expressing their joy to see them. One young adult, who seemed to be non-verbal, shook hands very enthusiastically with the greeter, a huge smile on his face. It was obvious to me that he was a valued member of the congregation and everyone he encountered was as glad to see him as he was to see them.

A few more steps into the church and I noticed some signage; one an announcement about a Caregivers Support Group and another about an Autism help line. These notices were not buried among many on a full bulletin board, but prominently displayed and easy to read.

I finally found a seat in the pew and listened to the choir warm up (a folk group with guitars, bongos and several singers.)  Of the six vocalists, the soloist chosen to lead a prominent part of one of the songs was an elderly woman with an exceptionally quiet voice. She was singing in tune, but it struck me as particularly refreshing that she was the one chosen for the solo. Not the strongest or the youngest voice, but an important voice and another obvious way that this church embraces the gifts of every person.

I could go on but you probably get the idea. St. John Chrysostom is a vibrant congregation with a strong understanding of what it takes to be inclusive.

I waited a few minutes at the end of Mass so I could re-introduce myself to Fr. Hallinan and hopefully get a few minutes to talk. We ended up chatting for more than ten minutes about our shared passion for inclusion and concluded our time together with a photo (thank you for that, Fr. Hallinan!). I expressed how grateful I was for all that this church does to promote inclusion and headed out the door.

As I got back in my car to head back to the campus baseball field, one of the points from my conversation with Fr. Hallinan that resonated strongly with me kept running through my mind.  St. John Chrysostom, like many other faith communities around the country, holds a designated service especially for individuals and families affected by disability. The “Mass of Welcoming and Inclusion”, as it is called at St. John Chrysostom is celebrated the 1st Sunday of the month. (The Mass I attended, by the way, was not on the 1st Sunday of the month, it was a regular Mass without this distinction) Fr. Hallinan said that his goal is that eventually they would not need to have the Welcoming and Inclusion Mass, that all Masses would feel welcoming and inclusive! We both agreed that an inclusive service can really be a helpful stepping stone for congregations and is still important for some individual and families affected by disability.  I couldn’t help but think, however, as I left the church, that if any congregation was nearing the goal of letting go of this kind of stepping stone, it was this church.

“All Are Welcome” at St. John Chrysostom, that is for sure in both obvious and subtle ways. I am grateful for their efforts and appreciate the opportunity to be an occasional visitor. I also know that there are many Hampton Roads local faith communities doing equally awesome inclusion work and seeing great results. If you aren’t already connected with FIN, please do share with us what you are doing. Your efforts could really be an encouragement to someone else or another faith community.

God Bless.

Karen j.

Essay Contest: Blog #4 Brittany French

Brittany was one of the first people that befriended me many years ago when my daughter and I started attending The Chosen Ministry. In her shy way, she would ask about Samantha and then about me, always remembering details that many would miss if they weren’t really listening. What a gift!

FIN would like to both thank and congratulate Brittany for sharing her story and being the winner of our very first essay contest.  As you read her essay you will realize that the remarkable thing about this story is how simple it really is…a church doing what many others do; reach out to the community and educate children in the faith.  What made a difference in Brittany’s life is how she felt and the continued acceptance as a person with a disability as she grew up in the church.  Even more wonderful, being a member of the congregation eventually led to finding a job nearby.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if more adults with disabilities were able to find work through the natural connections we make in our congregations?

So again we thank you, Brittany for not only writing this essay, but presenting it at our Gifts of the Heart Gala on March 11. You did a great job! -K. Jackson

My Faith Journey

Author Brittany French with Karen Fox who leads The Chosen Ministry in Norfolk

by Brittany French

The hospitality of a neighbor inviting me to church and the hospitality of the church folk accepted me even though I have several disabilities and this changed my life forever. I was three years old when a neighbor invited my twin sister and me to attend Sunday School at a church down the street from my house. My twin sister does not have the intellectual and physical disabilities that I live with every day. I began this adventure in the classroom with two wonderful teachers that made me feel loved and wanted.

In Sunday School we did arts and crafts related to Bible stories, we memorized verses and sat on a rug to hear the bible story of the day. My favorite event at church was attending Vacation Bible School in the summer. I loved playing outside and being with the other children. The other children did not treat me differently because of my disability. That made me feel good. I was always accepted for who I was. In fact, my church has five people with disabilities in the congregation because this church accepts and welcomes all people who come in.

Throughout the years, I continued to go to Sunday School each week. My faith grew stronger as I grew older and began to understand what the bible stories were saying. As an adult I joined the church I had been going to for so many years. This was a place I was accepted as God’s child, made in his image. I am what God wanted me to be. The church has helped me accept my disabilities and believe in myself.

I now have also joined “Chosen Ministry” which is a group that works with intellectually disabled adults. I love having other disabled friends. They understand some of the challenges I face. Being a part of “Chosen Ministry” has helped me see my disabilities in a different way. I am grateful to be who I am.

After several years of looking for a job, and many hours of prayer, I got a job in the daycare center which is next door to my church. Knowing that I am helping others is an answer to my prayers. My faith continues to grow as I work with little children and see how they love everyone.

Note: Brittany attends Third Presbyterian Church in Norfolk, VA

Brittany with friend Angela West at the Gifts of the Heart Gala-2018

 

Essay Contest: Blog #3 Colleen Stefanowich

I have known Colleen and her parents through Young Life Capernaum and then The Chosen Ministry for many years and have always appreciated her quick smile and willingness to help.  Colleen is a friend to many, including myself and  my daughter Samantha who has autism.  Whenever we visit Church of the Holy Family‘s Chosen Ministry events and run into Colleen, I can be guaranteed a huge hug and that she will go out of her way to say hello to Samantha, understanding that Samantha cannot respond in kind but accepting and so loving all the same.  

It doesn’t surprise me then, that Colleen is so involved at her church and that she has an incredibly positive attitude. Thank you Colleen for submitting this essay and allowing us learn a bit about you. -K. Jackson

MY INVISIBLE DISABILITY

BY COLLEEN STEFONOWICH

“That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in   persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak I am strong” (2 Cor 12:10)

Growing up with a disability wasn’t easy but having two siblings that I am close to helped even though they couldn’t take it all away. But them listening to me helped me growing up.  I felt bad for them, but I also thought they had it made.  I felt bad for them because they didn’t choose to have a sibling with a disability but they got one anyways. They also had to watch struggle with things that came easy to them. I also had to do things a bit differently than they did growing up. They never treated me any differently because of it.

I thought they had it made because in school, they were able to be in classes with other normal kids. They also got to do some rites of passages in life I never got to do. Things like get their licenses and go to a university.

I have a disability called dyscalculia, which is not a very well known or a very common disability, not very many people have heard of it. Dyscalculia is a math disability, so everything that has to do with math isn’t easy. For example, things like telling time (unless it’s a digital clock), making change, counting money, doing math , reading music. Reading certain numbers will actually overwhelm my brain because it’s way too many numbers, and my brain will   actually shut down because its way too many numbers too look at.

I was recently diagnosed with a vision problem called keratoconus.Basically, that’s just a big fancy word  for cone shaped cornea, which causes major vision problems, and potential blindness. I actually had a procedure done on November 15,2017 to help salvage the vision left in my right eye.

My church family is nothing short of amazing!! I sing in the choir, help with children’s church, and sometimes Sunday school by being a buddy for other students with disabilities. There have been some choir members   who give me rides home from church and practice. I have another choir member who so graciously helps me up and down the stairs from the choir loft for communion. I also have another choir member who has typed up the words to the songs in a bigger font so I am   able to see the words better due to my low vision. They have all done this without anyone asking them to do these things. All of these things have made it possible for me to feel an important part of the choir.

I love my Church of the Holy Family!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Essay Contest Blog Series-Blog #1

In preparing for this year’s Gifts of the Heart Gala, I was looking for an opportunity to highlight the voices of those who identify as having a disability. After all, our organization is about inclusion and the most important voice for disability inclusion efforts is (or should be) those who have disabilities themselves. Thus, in addition to our keynote speaker, Lisa Olson, who spoke eloquently about acceptance at the gala, the first Gifts of the Heart Essay Contest was born. 

I really had no idea whether or not anyone would submit an essay but we had a few things going for us. Number one, our good friend and sponsor, John Koehler of Koehler Publishing  offered up the $100 winning prize. Two, I had a vision that our winner and many of the participants would be recognized at our gala on March 11.  

In the end, we had six people enter the contest to share their own ideas of “faith” or what their faith community means to them. Additionally, we had two more writings submitted which we will also include in this mini blog series. 

All the entries were wonderful…beautiful in their own way and exactly what we had hoped for! These first two come from Ashley Bruno and Stephen Cox. 

Enjoy!

Karen Jackson, Executive Director, FIN

“What my Catholic faith means to me” by Ashley Bruno

“It means I like to go to St. Matts for adoration and rosary because I like to grow closer to God and Jesus. I like to go to St. Matts for Mass because I like to have my heart filled with joy. I like to help out at Meal Ministry at Courthouse United Methodist and I like to go to the Diocese Youth Conference in Richmond.”

 

 

 

ALL GOD’S PEOPLE by Stephen Cox

My name is Stephen.  I am 55 years old.  I have a very rare syndrome, Rubenstein-Taybi Syndrome, named for the two doctors who wrote a research paper about it in 1963, the same year I was born.  People with RTS aren’t all alike.  But they often share some of the things that are hard for us.

Part of my special type is that I have trouble with speech.  My brain thinks the words I want to say, but the way my mouth is made is al little different and my brain and mouth don’t always work together.  I like to say short phrases, but I usually speak too fast because I want my words to sound like the words feel in my brain.  You just have to tell me to slow down.  Sometimes you have to ask me to spell words you can’t understand.

I understand most everything I experience.  I can make good decisions and can figure out how to solve problems, but as an adult I am timid about going to new places and taking part in new experiences because it takes longer for my brain to process those unfamiliar things.  Still, I learn new things every day and learning is one of my favorite things.

I have never written an essay before, and when my mom asked me to tell about my church, I asked her to tell you for me.  I know she wrote this for me and she read it to me when she finished.  She even made some changes I asked for.

I go to Eastern Shore Chapel Episcopal Church.  I belong to a Christian family and I was baptized when I was a baby.  I went to Sunday School when I was a little boy.  I worried that my baby sister might have problems like me.  I kept asking “Baby grow up to be a big huge girl?”  It took a while for Mom to understand me, but she promised that our baby would be just fine and that I would keep learning and growing all my life.  I asked the same questions when that same little sister was expecting her babies.

I was older than the other members of my Sunday School Class, but we were friends anyway.  When it was time for my Sunday School class to learn about being grown up members of the church, I wanted to be a member.  I had to go talk to the Bishop, but after he asked me some questions, he said I was as ready to be confirmed as the others in my class.

These days I like to sit in the same church pew every Sunday, but I also like to stand closer to the altar when it is time for communion.  When we say the “Our Father, who art in Heaven” and get to the part about “give us this day our daily bread,” I like to put my hands out just like I do when Father Cameron gives me the bread.  Nobody tells me to sit down and they shake my hand and some of my friends give me a hug.  Everyone always says they miss me when I am sick and they try to understand what I say to them.  Lots of times they do understand!

My mom tells me that the people at church with me are called “parishioners,” but I call them “all God’s people,” because that’s who they really are.

© 2018 Faith Inclusion Network

Happy Birthday to the Happy Hour Class

Today I had the privilege of attending worship service at Wesley Grace United Methodist Church, http://www.wmumcnor.org/ a small congregation in the Wards Corner area of Norfolk, VA that is known locally for a lot of community outreach, impacting the local area in many positive ways.

I was invited by my friend, Gray Puryear, who is not only a longstanding member of the congregation but also serves as a lay speaker among the many responsibilities he holds at Wesley Grace.

Gray, who I have known for 10 years as he is a founding board member of Faith Inclusion Network, invited me to this service because they were planning to celebrate an exciting milestone, the 50th anniversary of a ministry for adults with intellectual disabilities they call “Happy Hour Class”.

An excerpt from a description in the bulletin about the ministry reads, “In 1967, several parents attending a church t Wards Corner in Norfolk asked the church leadership to start a Sunday School class for their adult children with intellectual disabilities. No one in the church had any training or experience with working with this special population in an educational setting, but a few members of the laity gave it a try…Today, 50 years later, that class is recognized by the Virginia Conference of the United Methodist Church as the oldest continuous class for adults with intellectual disabilities in Virginia.”

I was unexpectedly emotional during the service and have tried to piece together why that might be.  Part of it, I expect, was the very familiar setting of the UMC. I was raised in a small Methodist church, much like this one and the warm memories of a close-knit community were close to the surface.  But it was more than that.

The congregation had a special air of welcoming as they began this celebratory time of worship.  Quite a few people greeted my daughter Samantha and I warmly, recognizing she has a disability.  I felt like members of the congregation were especially aware, on this day set aside to recognize the Happy Hour Class Ministry, that a person they did not know who has a disability was visiting for the first time. It was very welcoming and even encouraging.

The service was full of evidence that this was an important day; a large banner was dedicated to commemorating the 50th anniversary and every part of the service included members of the Happy Hour Class from the greeters, to acolytes and musicians. The theme of celebration was obvious and happily contagious.

Gray Puryear, Lay Speaker at Wesley Grace UMC and one of leaders of the Happy Hour Class

I was also quite moved by my friend Gray’s sermons both to the children and the adults.  His basket of different kinds of apples, an illustration of how people are all different yet still all apples, was simple yet effective for the children. His message in the sermon was equally clear. Referencing Exodus and the story of Moses telling God that he was “slow of speech” so he couldn’t possibly be God’s spokesperson, Gray pointed out an important point.  Just as God provided an accommodation in appointing Moses’ brother Aaron to help Moses, we too are called to provide accommodations to help each other. As Gray put it, “when we provide an accommodation for a person with a disability, we are acting in the image of God.

The beautiful service, complete not only with some contemporary worship music but also a song I have not sung since childhood, Jesus Loves Me, was thoughtfully organized. Even their special guest from Richmond, Ms. Cheryl Edley-Worford, Director of Inclusivity and Lay Leadership Excellence in the Virginia Conference of the UMC https://vaumc.org/LayLeadership was on hand to offer her congratulations and gifts to the congregation.

As Samantha and I left Wesley Grace UMC today, I was reminded that it is the small, thoughtful efforts that sometimes add up to make a big impact for the congregation and their visitors. Listening devices, a screen with large print of all songs and prayers, friends helping friends with walkers and wheelchairs, a clear message from the leadership preaching inclusion and acceptance and the inclusion of persons affected by disability in all parts of the services, make for a welcoming environment. In my eyes, these accommodations and attitudes of acceptance all added up to Faith Inclusion Network’s vision to Accept, Include, and Celebrate all persons affected by disability in our faith communities.

Congratulations and thank you to members of Wesley Grace UMC, Gray Puryear, and Pastor, Scott Beck on this special anniversary.

God Bless!

Beauty Perseveres

As we come to the end of Autism Awareness month 2017, I would like to thank the contributors to our Autism Moms and Dads Blog Interview Series for sharing a bit about their lives in the world of Autism.  It has been particularly interesting to get the Dad’s perspective this year in addition to the Moms. I have also enjoyed the opportunity to re-connect with both local and national friends and make some new FIN friends along the way. Many thanks to those that interviewed: David Rizzo, dad to Danielle from New Jersey, Ruth and Rick Robins, parents of Tripp in Virginia, Tim Craig, dad to Clinton, from New Jersey, Janet Shouse, mom to Evan Shouse from Tennessee and Michael Hoggatt, dad to Summer from California. You are all an inspiration to me and it was a pleasure to “meet” you and your children through these interviews. 

Blessings to all those out there that love and care for people affected by autism. You are doing a great job!-K. Jackson

Beauty Perseveres

As I sat on my front porch, on a lovely late-April morning, a sweet little flower caught my eye. Not that flowers are unusual in the spring time, especially in Virginia, but this one seemed to be growing right through our tiled front porch! And the words “beauty perseveres” invaded my mind.

The writer in me jumped at the chance to use this unusual bloom as a symbol of the strong, determined and undefeatable autism moms, dads and children that I have met on my own parenting journey. Persons who have autism and parents and caregivers who, despite challenging behaviors, multiple medical needs, serious communication and sensory challenges and more, do persevere. They persevere even when it seems impossible to do so. They persevere through the tiled foundations of our society’s misunderstanding of autism, through uniformed attitudes and the unrelenting hyper-vigilance required of some moms and dads of children with autism. They persevere because they love their children.

Recently, our family has faced quite a few challenges; from our daughter’s six day hospitalization in the Intensive Care Unit of our local Children’s hospital to last summer, when we were dealing with some extremely challenging behaviors related to an anxiety disorder, (and let’s not forget the recent aggravating car accident that required a new vehicle), it has been a whirlwind. Yet through God’s grace and a generous dose of His strength, we have persevered and come out on the other side, seeing the beauty in our daughter, in our lives and in our amazing God.

“…And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts…” Romans 5:2-5

Most Christians, when presented with the term, “perseverance” would go right to the above scripture in Romans. “Suffering produces perseverance” we are taught. But the most important part of these verses to me is not that we suffer (because everyone suffers, whether or not they are affected by any kind of disability) but that through suffering we eventually get to hope.  This is the beauty I see out of our perseverance; a hope that sustains, that draws others to God and helps us appreciate the gifts that our beautiful children with autism bring into our lives.

Just as that flower grows through the seemingly impossible place on my front porch, I pray that all of those affected by autism persevere through the difficult challenges that ASD can sometimes bring and experience the beauty and hope of God’s love for us all.

Thanks be to God.

 

 

Autism Moms and Dads Blog Series-Interview #5

 

I “met” Dave a few years ago by phone and was struck by the similarities of our parenting experience, having daughters very close in age.  My family is also Catholic and has worked hard to include our daughter into the life of our local parish and teach her about the Catholic faith. After talking with Dave, I once again realized how important connecting with other parents can be, even if they are in another part of the country.  If you would like to keep up with Dave and his beautiful daughter, Danielle, take a look at their Facebook page, Autism with the Rizzos at https://www.facebook.com/Autism-With-The-Rizzos-281489198616138/

Also, I highly recommend  David’s book,  Faith, Family and Children with Special Needs; Spiritually Able http://www.loyolapress.com/products/books/family-life-and-parenting/faith-family-and-children-with-special-needs and the The Adaptive First Eucharist Preparation Kit https://www.loyolapress.com/products/special-needs/adaptive-learning/adaptive-first-eucharist-preparation-kit , which he helped develop. Both of these are wonderful resources for helping to teach the Catholic faith to persons who have autism.

Interview #5 Dave Rizzo

 

Question: How old was your child when they were diagnosed with autism? Can you share how you felt when you received that diagnosis?

Dave: Danielle was four years old when she was diagnosed with autism.  My wife and I knew something was up before this and we feared it was autism, but the formal diagnosis from a doctor didn’t come till Danielle was four.  The diagnostic process seemed endless. There were surveys we had to fill out, early intervention sessions, meetings with doctors and therapists.  When the formal diagnosis did come I felt a combination of intense dread and sadness, coupled with relief that at last I knew for sure what was going on with my daughter. The sadness came from the realization that the life I had imagined for her up to this point would not be the life she would lead, things like that I would never walk her down the aisle at her wedding, or that she would not go to college or lead an independent life. 

Question: How has living with autism affected your family? (immediate or extended)

Dave: It affected my family in a big way.  Raising a child with autism leads to a fundamental shift in family dynamics.  We had to arrange our family life around keeping Danielle safe, providing therapies, helping her with everything.  We had to give most of our time to Danielle and this sometimes meant not giving equal time to our three other children. I felt very isolated in those early years.  It took a while for us all to learn how we could be a family of a child with autism and balance all the competing demands.  Eventually we learned how to do this better.

 QuestionWhat is currently your biggest challenge as an autism dad?

Dave: We just went through the process of attaining guardianship for Danielle, who turned 18 last autumn.  It was very difficult hearing her declared a mentally incapacitated individual.  We don’t think of her that way.  We think of all the marvelous things she has learned to do, all her accomplishments, the way she has brought joy into our lives and in the lives of others.  It’s also still a challenge to see other children her age meeting milestones and typical rites of passage like learning how to drive.

 Question: What is currently your greatest joy as an autism dad?

Dave: Seeing how Danielle has grown into a fun loving person, who continues to spread joy to those she meets.  For me, I experience a special joy when I see Danielle at Mass participating with reverence, folding her hands in prayer, reaching out during the sign of peace, kneeling in prayer after receiving holy communion. 

 Question: Has autism affected your faith? If yes, how so?

Dave: Having a child with autism forced me to grapple with my faith and turn toward God in prayer and sacrament.  My faith became much more visual and experiential, as I tried to connect with both God and my daughter.  I have learned that the life I imagined was not exactly the life God had in store for me.  But I am trying to discover in my life that the action of God is unfolding the way it should, that the life God has in store for me and my family is a good life.

 Question: Is there anything else you would like to share about being an autism dad?

Dave: Yes.  I want people to know that it is a life changing experience, and a roller coaster of a ride.  As the father of a now young adult with autism I have learned to look at the world a little differently.  I make a lot of mistakes along the way, and it is often very hard. However, mostly things are good.  There is happiness, humor, sadness, exasperation, compassion, love, and all the emotions you can possibly imagine, but life is about all of these feelings, and always has been. 

 

 

Autism Moms and Dads Blog Series-Interview # 3

I did not have to look far to find these parents who graciously both agreed to respond to our interview questions. Rick and Ruth Robins are parents to Tripp, a third grader at The Williams School in Norfolk, VA, where I also teach band.  Although we have just begun our friendship, Ruth has already been wonderfully encouraging and supportive of my work my FIN and we have had some great discussions.

There are SO many parents out there who are trying to navigate the world of integration with children who have ASD but lean more toward the high-functioning/Asperger’s side of the spectrum.  We appreciate Rick and Ruth’s  willingness to share a bit of their experiences thus far. 

Rick and Ruth Robins-Interview #3

Tripp Robins

Question: How old was your child when they were diagnosed with autism?

Ruth: Tripp was five but the signs had been there since he was 15 months old. Family (specifically my mom) had been trying to tell us something wasn’t right but I was in denial. Can you share how you felt when you received that diagnosis? I felt numb, then very guilty. I tried to figure out what caused it. Maybe it was the medicine that I was on when I was pregnant with Tripp. Aspergers runs throughout my family so I didn’t have to look very far to see that we have a genetic predisposition towards it.

Rick: Our son was 4 when he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. I was perfectly unfamiliar with autism at the time of his diagnosis. Google forays into the subject informed my earliest preliminary senses of what it meant for our son and our family. It was an overwhelming time. It was a gut-punch to look at the statistics on autism as they related to work, marriage, independent living, and the metrics that typically frame our expectations for our kids’ lives. It was particularly hard for me to think that my son could be socially challenged and disadvantaged. I was also surprised at the difficulty of finding the necessary therapeutic and educational resources. There is no single, easily accessed clearing house for resources for parents to point them in the right direction to necessary behavioral therapies and other resources. Fortunately for us, my wife’s openness about our son’s autism helped us to find therapists and a school for autistic children, both of which helped him immeasurably.

Question: How has living with autism affected your family? (immediate or extended)

Ruth: It, without a doubt, has taught us grace, grace, and more grace. Also, how to love in a way that is beyond our physical capability.

Rick: It has been difficult. It has also had a maturing effect on all of us. Immediately after his diagnosis, we were plunged into a crisis mode, trying to deal with his behavior and finding the necessary educational and ABA therapy programs and medical resources. We knew that an early intervention in his behavior was important, and we did everything that we could. That included an ABA therapy school, ABA therapists on weekends and as needed, neurofeedback therapy, finding a pediatrician specializing in autistic children, allergy testing, diet modification, etc. Crises often have their own life cycles, and we have fortunately been able to make progress through this as a family. He was able to successfully transition into a small private school after two years in the autistic school. We were on pins and needles as he transitioned schools, but he did great. It has never been a linear experience. Behaviors and tics emerge, get addressed and extinguished, only to give rise to other behaviors, foci, or issues. It has reshaped our expectations and capacities to have more bandwidth in our responses as parents and family members. It has made me much more empathetic.

Question: What is currently your biggest challenge as an autism mom/dad?

Ruth: Tripp’s perseveration on things can be really difficult. He won’t let things go and when he doesn’t get his way it can lead to a meltdown. He then feels guilty because he knows it’s not okay, but his emotions take over.

Rick: Our son is 10 and has a 13 year-old neurotypical sister. In the early years our son’s atypical behavior were the focus of a lot of our energy. This inevitably created asymmetries in the time, attention, and behavioral expectations that we exercised with our children.

 

Question: What is currently your greatest joy as an autism mom/dad?

Ruth: After YEARS of intense therapy Rick and I see Tripp coming into his own. He is able to articulate himself better and is beginning to have self-acceptance. We also hone his natural God given gifts to the best of our ability.

Rick: I have learned to appreciate my son for who he is, including his tendency to perseverate on issues (he hates our dog) and occasional, epic meltdowns. But he is an incredibly lovable kid, and he loves to fish with me, which gives us a great medium for our relationship. He is unique in his interests and extremely smart, so we are excited to see how he will use his gifts.

Question: Has autism affected your faith?  If yes, how so?

Ruth: Yes, it has made me lean on God more. There were many, many times I reached the end, I had nothing left and it was “Your grace is sufficient for me” that kept me going. I knew that each second, minute, hour, and day God’s grace was enough to keep me taking one step in front of the other.

Rick: Individuals within our church family have made a big difference in our lives and in our son’s life in particular. When he was about 4 to 6 years old, he was wiping out in classroom settings, and that included Sunday school classes. A family in our church, and their sons, who are passionate about autism, took turns being our son’s “buddy” in Sunday school, and they would help him to have a successful class experience. Others have filled that role during church services, since he performs better sitting with them than sitting next to his sister! He has been well loved by our church family.

Question: Is there anything else you would like to share about being an autism mom/dad?

Ruth: We have learned to appreciate each of our children for who they are and who God created them to be, not to try to mold them into something they are not. Also, we have learned to focus on what really matters, the rest in just extra fluff.