Autism Moms Interview #7 Angela Kahler

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I met Angela Kahler at our first Gifts of the Heart event in 2012.  We connected as autism moms and fellow Catholics immediately and I knew she and we would become good friends. (Which we have!)

A bundle of energy. Angela is extremely involved in the community.  She was on the FIN Board of Directors for 4 years and is still very active with FIN events.  She is also a Disability Advocate at her church, Church of the Ascension in Virginia Beach and the Treasurer of the Virginia Beach Special Educational PTSA.  

Thank you for your friendship, Angela, and all you do for your family and the disability community.

Question: How old was your child when they were diagnosed with autism? Can you share how you felt when you received that diagnosis?

Angela: Joe was pretty young. He was 23 months old when he was diagnosed. I grieved the loss of the life I wished and planned for for my son. I was devastated. Since then, I have realized what I wanted for my son was a happy life- Joe has always been happy. We are blessed. Different things make him happy (and plenty of the same things- love and affection.). I worried, will he marry- the truth is I think he will find happiness in non-typical ways. 

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Question: How has living with autism affected your family?

Angela: We are much more aware of autism of course, but also all other differences, i.e development, abilities, etc. Even my extended family is focused on not just supporting Joe but kids and adults with differences.

Question: What is currently your biggest challenge as an autism mom?

Angela: Joe has been in speech therapy, OT and ABA (off and on) since he was 2. He is now 11. We have been on a fast paced schedule with little rest for that many years. I worry about not doing enough to help him reach his potential but I also worry about us having enough time to just enjoy life.

Question: What is currently your greatest joy as an autism mom?

Angela: I have embraced the truth that children with autism are children first. Joe and I have been spending a lot of time just doing typical mom/son things- watching movies, reading, laughing. As a family, we have been enjoying more of these regular joys.

Question: Has autism affected your faith? If yes, how so?

Angela: I clung to my faith when Joe was diagnosed. Very well meaning friends asked me if there was something I was doing that was preventing Joe from being “healed”. I am Catholic. As I often do when looking for answers to important and hard questions, I turned to my faith and the Bible- and the story- was it the sin of the blind man or his parents that caused him to be blind? Neither this man nor his parents sinned- this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. I also think differently about autism now then I did when Joe was first diagnosed. Joe’s autism is a difference but it does not define him. I have had to do a lot of soul searching. Admittedly, when Joe was first diagnosed- I thought autism was a tragedy, almost a death sentence for people with autism and their families- please forgive me, I didn’t know. It is a difference. It is part of my son. He is a blessing, gifted and talented as God made him. He also brings out the best in others. He is something special. His smile is contagious. My brother went to church with us and I was praying for Joe to make it through without being too loud- Joe danced to the music, laughed, smiled and enjoyed church- my brother remarked- he was a blessing to everyone around us at church. Prayers answered. Lesson learned- have faith.

Question: Is there anything else you would like to share about being an autism mom?

Angela: To my 39 year old self- I would say, try to relax- 9 years from now Joe will be a sweet, adorable, happy kid. You will have advised many moms how to get their kids the help they need, find therapy and doctors and you will look them right in the eye and tell them this will all work out. You will have been supported by smart, loving compassionate people- you are not alone. I also wish my 60 year old self could tell me something now- I am very hopeful for the future. I can tell Joe still has a lot to teach me.
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